Tales

Enna, the Briefly Headless Knight

Posted on July 21, 2017

My favorite D&D character was an empty suit of armor. There had been a mishap, I'd watched Fullmetal Alchemist, you get the jist. Her tragic tale of ending up Alphonse Elric'd is, however, not what I'm here to tell. I'm here to relay how the rest of our party finally discovered it.

One house rule we’d used to spice up the game was that everyone had a secret, and a "trigger" for when we had a chance to reveal that secret. We could be trusted to pick the exact moment our secrets came out ourselves, as we all liked epic storylines and intrigue. The only one not interested was the Warlock, and she was kind enough to make her secret "I'm …

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Fist of Vengeance

Posted on July 20, 2017

Dramatis Personae:

I, The Elven Mage with so few hit points you only need one hand to count them.

My younger brother, The 300 pound Goblin named Meatshield.

A pair of archers.

And a Rogue.

The background:

We were playing in a homebrew setting of the DM's. We’d just completed a short dungeon dive, and were returning to the local town to inform them of our success. On our way, we heard a steady rumbling off one the side of the path. Fearing something was coming to attack the town, we followed the sound to investigate.

It was a Treant, steadily making his way deeper into the mountains.

The Goblin played by my brother decided he w…

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Stacked Like Pancakes

Posted on July 19, 2017

Our DM's attempts to create a Grimdark session were constantly getting foiled by the antics of the players, so he decided to "lean in."

We'd been exiled from a Drow city after entering a rigged WWE-style tournament and trouncing the competition (since we weren't "in" on the secret). Wandering in the forest above, our insane murder child (one of the PC's was playing a possessed 7-year-old who heard voices from the shrunken heads on his belt) wandered off and got lost, oblivious to everyone calling out his name (he had a WIS of 5—daft as a brush, but very ravenous).

Realizing he was lost, he tried to light a fire in the middle of the …

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The Greater Medusa Incident

Posted on July 18, 2017

In our D&D group, we have this one player who has a tendency to do some stupid stuff. There’s no better example of this than the Greater Medusa incident.

We were playing a homebrew adventure, and were a group of human mercenaries on our way to clear a dungeon The player this story is about ran a charisma-less (seriously, a 7) Fighter. Part way through, the DM pulled out the Monster Manual and announced that we'd encountered a Medusa.

The following conversation went like this:

Fighter: So it’s got a snake body and stuff?

DM: No, it’s got legs.

Fighter: That’s lame. It should totally have a snake body.

DM: You realize that would m…

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Swarms of Fun

Posted on July 17, 2017

My two cousins and I had played first edition D&D when we were kids. We loved it, taking turns being the DM and making up cool stories and adventures to take each other through. Often when we made new characters, the most common enemy we fought was rats. As a group, we got proficient in dealing with the vile vermin, making them about as scary as a stuffed pillow.

Fast forward to fourth edition and we are all adults. While my cousins had completely stopped playing the game, I had gone on to play the different editions as they were released. Not only that, but I married someone who also played. Together we ran through many adventures, …

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