HTales from the Table


The Least of Our Problems

Posted on October 27, 2016

A recent session of 5E was so mind boggling, I simply had to retell it here. A group of five: the Dragonborn Eldritch Knight, a Gnome Rogue (more teeth than Gnome), a Human Bard (with a spectacular identity crisis), a Dwarf Monk (with the worst BMI ever), and myself, the Half-Elf Sorcerer trying to herd the mad cats.

After a couple of sessions of adventures where a beloved NPC had perished and everyone in the party was blaming everyone else but themselves, we had to enter a dungeon to follow the evil cultists and their loot. For, reasons? We forget.

What transpired proved we were more dangerous to ourselves than anything the DM…

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So Much For That Adventure

Posted on October 25, 2016

My first D&D character was a human magic user (first edition D&D) named Marvin, who had 18 INT and a 7 for DEX.

Marvin was very lucky when it came to dodging. He would trip and fall, and whatever was “going to hit him” always missed. He never realized that he’d been seconds away from death. I played this up by having him stand up, dust himself off and say, "Man, I have the worst luck."

We started on our second adventure inside a cave, when Marvin noticed a glowing portal. One of the other players examined it and noticed it seemed magical. Marvin, knowing magic, wanted to take a closer look... and tripped and fell through the…

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Game Over

Posted on October 24, 2016

Who doesn't have a story about a Half-Orc Barbarian? I’d joined a game with my brother and his friends as a Human Ranger. Our group had a Minotaur Warden, a Dwarf Fighter, an Elf Sorcerer, a Half-Elf Cleric, and (you guessed it) a Half-Orc Barbarian.

Inside the tavern, the Cleric and I were talking to a barkeep to start a quest. The Half-Orc Barbarian was outside and was surprised by a mugger. After the Minotaur dispatched the mugger, the Barbarian told the DM, "Next time I'm surprised, I attack whatever surprises me."

Our quest was to check out a village no one had heard from in a while. When we got there, a little girl ran…

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When Not to Throw a Javelin

Posted on October 23, 2016

It was my first time playing D&D, and we were in the Horde of the Dragon Queen 5E campaign. The party consisted of a Wood Elf Ranger, a Human Cleric (who later got eaten by rats), a Human Fighter who enjoyed rolling in the entrails of enemies, and my not-so-smart Human Barbarian simply named Jack who was raised by wolves. What could go wrong?

We were killing everything we crossed paths with, from kobolds to Giant Lizard bodyguards and cultists, when we met a Duke on top of his fortress. He was explaining the events that led up to the current predicament when a Blue Dragon swooped in and ate two of the Duke’s guards.

Now, if I…

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Commanded and Conquered

Posted on October 20, 2016

Four weeks ago I started my first Dungeons and Dragons game and rolled up a Dwarf Paladin. This was an introductory group, so the DM let us bring our characters immediately up to level three. Then she started us against the Black Earth Cult.

Last week, in addition to the four of us that had regularly been there, we had another four new-ish players added, one being an entertaining Human Barbarian with a surprisingly high charisma score, and two others who were extremely bloodthirsty. Odd traits for a Cleric and a Paladin, but that's cool. Be your own character and all that.

There we were, sneaking into a keep of monks that was…

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