Tales

The Many Uses of Seeming

Posted on January 18, 2019

My favorite character, Zook Waywocket, had a conundrum. Our campaign had recently (and temporarily) become political, having found and rescued a group of dwarven ambassadors from Mirabar. Veit Holderhek, a native of same, wanted to parlay that rescue into aid for our party, which was recently forced to flee after taking on the entire Fire Temple at once (a great story in and of itself, involving a tense standoff and the Paladin Sariel Moonbrook saving Zook at the last instant from being hurled into a lava fall).

What Veit did not understand was that the Marchion of Mirabar was a) not a dwarf himself; b) technically unable to send the…

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I Hate Vampires

Posted on January 17, 2019

About two months ago I’d joined a homebrew campaign, and, thinking it was near the end, I just recycled my Dragonborn Barbarian.

Well, last week I’d decided that I was bored with him, so I tossed him out in favor of a winged Tiefling Sorcerer (since I’d had to abandon our session in the middle of a fight, the DM had my Barbarian run off chasing after a goon, and he just never came back). So, in our last game my Chaotic Neutral Pyromaniac Sorcerer joined the fight as part of a band of reinforcements, and with the others we quickly killed the boss before us.

Afterwards, a messenger came along with an invitation from the big bad of the…

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Lost in Pronunciation

Posted on January 16, 2019

At the table there were me and about three more friends, and, except for the DM, none of us had played D&D before. Also, we're all Brazilians. Yes, this is relevant. It is also relevant that, in Portuguese, the pronunciation of the letter "R" at the beginning of a word is the same as the letter "H". For example, if it were a Portuguese word, "rope" would be pronounced as "hope".

So there was a moment during the campaign where we had to go through a passage located behind an abandoned mansion. Before that, the DM tells us that "the mansion is being guarded by hobogoblins."

I'm genuinely confused. "Guarded by what?!"

"Hobogoblins," h…

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The Lucky Cursed Dice

Posted on January 11, 2019

While working on a production of MacBeth I made a bunch of friends, and another friend and I introduced a few of them to D&D. To protect the innocent I'll use their character names, Malcolm and Macduff.

Every group has someone who rolls bad or just makes bad life choices for his characters. One of our newest players, Malcolm, fit that bill. He rolled up a Palpatine-esque Wizard for one game and could not for the life of him hit anything. He got himself this nice set of Cthulhu-style dice and got natural 1 after natural 1. It was uncanny.

Next time I saw him at the table he'd given that cursed dice to Macduff. And Macduff was happy. …

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What’s in a Name?

Posted on January 09, 2019

DMing a long-running (19-20 years?) D&D campaign that has, over the years, seen something like 31 players (a handful were core to most of the time, but other groups came and went), you always run the risk of coming across a player who won’t take the game as seriously as the rest of the team.

I could tell you the story of the Knight who, upon spotting the enemy boss starting to cast something to come after the party (preparing to ascend the well the party had just fled out of), decided the best attack was a full-body kinetic strike. With the falling damage model in play, the armor rules in play (plate armor was damage absorbing) and a…

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