Tales

I Can Fix It

Posted on November 10, 2017

Thus begins one of the many odes to Boulder, the short-lived Warforged. A while back, I had a friend (and roommate) who DM'ed for us. This was my first time playing D&D in years, my last experience being a Ranger. Since I knew every DM was different, I decided to play modestly to get a feel for the terrain of our table. Being the humble person I am, I created a monotonous Warforged Warrior named Boulder that sought to better understand mankind by flaying his foes and wearing their flesh. He lived by the metaphor, "Walk a mile in their skin." Boulder could not compute metaphors.

Anywho, one particular outing had our party discovering …

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The Fire Squid

Posted on November 09, 2017

On this eventful night, it was a full party of myself as DM and Cleric, an airheaded Sorceress, a Bard, and our red Dragonborn Barbarian, all of whom were hunting down a powerful necromancer yada yada, that isn't the point. While trying to find said necromancer, our Bard and Barbarian set off to the docks in order to drum up some clues.

The two of them split up to cover more ground, and the Bard did some linguistic gymnastics on the guards and dock workers, while the Barbarian chose to speak with a young urchin.

"Yeah I definitely saw that guy you're talking about, I saw him go down this alley over there. Come on mister, I'll show y…

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Silence Works Both Ways

Posted on November 08, 2017

Our band of monsters had escaped from the human-run curiosity zoo that held us, but they later recaptured our Tiefling Warlock and Swanmae Mage. With a little help from my goddess Shar, we were able to disguise ourselves as humans and infiltrate the town where the others of are party were being held. Keep in mind, we didn't go to rescue them. We went to kill them before they could be tortured and divulge the whereabouts of our secret lair. This is what happens when you have almost all evil PCs...

Our Yeti was the tank of the group, and along with his companion owlbear, we could simply shred through the humans without really worrying …

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Duels of Non-Canon

Posted on November 07, 2017

Our first campaign was by far the longest we've ever had, and I have no idea how we kept it going, for we were a pretty big group, with nine players and me. We played D&D 4e (don't judge, we had no idea of other editions—I saw a red box in a store that said D&D starter set and didn't think twice) and the campaign lasted two years. Of course, there being nine players and only myself as a first-time Dungeon Master, randomness and silly jokes that sometimes changed that world's history were inevitable. But those stories are for another day.

What I really enjoyed from these sessions were the non-canon duels. Basically, while I was settin…

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Oil of Acid Resistance

Posted on November 06, 2017

Through the 10+ years of playing my AD&D Dwarven Fighter with monk-like tendencies named Roke, I have gathered a huge number of trophies, items, and stories—like getting an entire Dwarven city drunk in a contest, or liberating a village by myself using a dead guard as my weapon. But none are as valuable as making our DM say something another DM hasn’t ever had to say. Feel free to follow the recipe.

It all started when our full party got together after a period of separation. One half had come back with word of a Red Dragon guarding a long-abandoned airship which started our newest quest. However, more than just the airship, Roke wan…

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