Tales

Lost in Pronunciation

Posted on January 16, 2019

At the table there were me and about three more friends, and, except for the DM, none of us had played D&D before. Also, we're all Brazilians. Yes, this is relevant. It is also relevant that, in Portuguese, the pronunciation of the letter "R" at the beginning of a word is the same as the letter "H". For example, if it were a Portuguese word, "rope" would be pronounced as "hope".

So there was a moment during the campaign where we had to go through a passage located behind an abandoned mansion. Before that, the DM tells us that "the mansion is being guarded by hobogoblins."

I'm genuinely confused. "Guarded by what?!"

"Hobogoblins," h…

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The Lucky Cursed Dice

Posted on January 11, 2019

While working on a production of MacBeth I made a bunch of friends, and another friend and I introduced a few of them to D&D. To protect the innocent I'll use their character names, Malcolm and Macduff.

Every group has someone who rolls bad or just makes bad life choices for his characters. One of our newest players, Malcolm, fit that bill. He rolled up a Palpatine-esque Wizard for one game and could not for the life of him hit anything. He got himself this nice set of Cthulhu-style dice and got natural 1 after natural 1. It was uncanny.

Next time I saw him at the table he'd given that cursed dice to Macduff. And Macduff was happy. …

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What’s in a Name?

Posted on January 09, 2019

DMing a long-running (19-20 years?) D&D campaign that has, over the years, seen something like 31 players (a handful were core to most of the time, but other groups came and went), you always run the risk of coming across a player who won’t take the game as seriously as the rest of the team.

I could tell you the story of the Knight who, upon spotting the enemy boss starting to cast something to come after the party (preparing to ascend the well the party had just fled out of), decided the best attack was a full-body kinetic strike. With the falling damage model in play, the armor rules in play (plate armor was damage absorbing) and a…

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Rhyme Time

Posted on January 08, 2019

A bunch of my college dorm friends had played various D&D campaigns since our freshmen year. While we had one long-running campaign we regularly played, different people would take turns DMing new campaigns. This could be because someone got a new rule book/expansion, we wanted try new character classes, or just because the main DM needed a break/time to set up the new adventure.

This particular night, having just watched the Princess Bride, I decided to try out a new Swashbuckler class character. Unfortunately for the DM, he had also seen the movie and decided to give my character, Inigo (yes, I know, not very original, but hey, the…

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Creativity Can Be a Dangerous Thing

Posted on January 07, 2019

I was DMing a 5th Edition playtest with some college friends. We had a High Elf Wizard, a High Elf Rogue who pretended to be a Wizard, a Wood Elf Monk, a Half-Elf Paladin, a Wood Elf Druid, and myself, the Half-Orc Fighter.

In the middle of a decently difficult battle against a nearly unkillable troll, our Druid hesitated on his turn. Rather than fire his bow for what must have been the billionth time, he began reading one of his spells very carefully.

"So this cantrip, Fire Seeds. It can affect any sort of seeds, yes?" he asked.

"Sure," I stupidly replied.

"I make a touch attack against the troll's 'seeds'," he said.

Silence fel…

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