A Rat in the Bag Worth Two in the Bush

Posted on December 04, 2017

I'm in a two person group—a Sorcerer (me), and a Rogue (a friend), with the friend's significant other DMing. He claims to have run several games with his family/friends back home, so he knows his way around a tabletop.

Our adventure began, as so many do, with us being sent by a local magistrate to clear out a kobold infestation. On the way to the cave where these kobolds lived, the DM rolled for a random encounter. The DM proclaimed that we had run into a rat den, and had to fight a half dozen rats. The Rogue, who won initiative, started stabbing at the rats but, because of her low level and terrible dice-luck, ended up missing about 3/4th of the attack rolls.

Me?I didn't want to use what few precious spell slots I had to a random encounter, so I decided to improvise.

Me: About how big are these rats?

DM: Roughly a pound or two heavy, one foot long, not counting the tail.

Me: And I have a burlap sack with me?

DM: Yes, but I don't get what you're—

Me: I target the closet rat to me, lift it with Mage Hand, and drop it into the bag. (For those who don't play magic users, Mage Hand is a spell that's basically telekinesis for anything close by and less than 5 pounds, and these rats fit the bill)

GM: Um... OK?

This exchange happened four more times, until the Rogue had stabbed two of the rats to death and the other four were squeaking in my burlap sack.

DM: OK, so XP for two rats is…

Rogue: Wait, two? Why not all six?

DM: Well the other four are still alive in the bag so—

Me: Fine, I find a nearby tree and bash the bag against it until there aren't any more squeaks.

DM: ... You are a horrible person.

That was the first and last game we played with those characters.

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