Tales

Cooking with Fire

Posted by Brenuar Flambé on February 24, 2013
Pudding anyone?

I used to play a Chaotic Neutral Cleric of Dionysus named Brenuar. He was my first character and he was a ton of fun to play. Being Chaotic Neutral, Brenuar basically acted on impulse and never let a rash thought go unconsidered. Over the course of our adventures, Brenuar acquired an artifact weapon: a mace that contained a spark of his god in it. He wielded it proudly and smashed many a face with it.

On one particularly unkind dungeon run a Black Pudding got the drop on Brenuar. Maces aren't much good against oozes and puddings, even artifact maces, so the ooze began dissolving all of characters hard earned stuff.

"Crap!" I hollered at my group, "What will kill this thing! He's ruining my cloak and armor!"

"Fire will kill it," everyone agreed.

So I looked on my character sheet, saw that I had the Flame Strike spell, and -- doing my best to play a rash Chaotic Neutral Brenuar -- said

"I flame strike myself!"

I figured I had the hit points to take the damage and I knew it would probably kill the Black Pudding that was slowly ruining all my gear. So Brenuar struck myself with the spell, burst into flames, the Black Pudding shriveled into nothing, and we all gave a cheer. Then the DM said

"Now we need to roll damages for all of your stuff."

"What?" I glared at him.

"You just doused yourself in magical fire. Some of that stuff is going to burn."

We knew he was right and so I sat there, agonizing, as a good majority of the stuff I just set out to save ended up being destroyed anyway. Cloak of protection? Burned to a crisp. Plate armor +4? Charred to uselessness. Potions of healing? Boiled into steam. Then we got to Brenuar's artifact mace and a lively debate began about whether or not a weapon embed with the spark of a god could be destroyed. Eventually it was determined that even powerful magic items like a Staff of the Magi could be destroyed, but the DM decided that a godly artifact stood a far greater chance of survival than any regular old piece of gear. He pulled out his percentile dice and said,

"I'll give it a 1 in 100 chance of being destroyed."

That seemed fair to everyone, the odds were heavily in my favor. He shook the die, rolled, and threw a 1%.

The resulting explosion of magical energy coming off Brenuar's mace killed my character outright and heavily damaged everyone in the group. There was no point in trying to resurrect him, the explosion was so powerful it vaporized him completely. We were all sad to see him go, but none of us could think of a more spectacular way to end his career. 

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