Tales

Curiosity Killed The Cleric’s Brain

Posted on May 12, 2017

In our 5e campaign run by my wife, I play a half-orc barbarian named Durak, who pretty much has the linguistic power of The Incredible Hulk and Groot. Literally all he can say is "I am Durak" and "Durak smash.” This has led to some interesting yet hilarious scenes due to his rather low Intelligence and Wisdom.

In our latest adventure, the party was called up to a cloud giant's tower. He offered us shelter and travel to the place where we were headed next, so long as we stayed on the ground floor. So, naturally, due to adventurer's curiosity, we desperately wanted to check out the second floor.

After a few flubs by the Cleric and a lot of fails by the Sorcerer (the Rogue didn't even bother trying), we had split the party by about 100ft to get to the second floor, which turned out to be the giant's bedroom. We spotted a staircase leading to a third floor. Up we went, only to find three rather angry griffons. After a small skirmish, the Cleric went down and rolled a 1 on his death save. Then the giant appeared, grabbed the unconscious Cleric and the still-raging Barbarian, and took us back down to the ground floor.

After some telling-off from the giant, the Cleric rolled another death save. He rolled a 2. Dead.

My wife then pulled out the Dungeon Master's Guide and had the Cleric's player roll a percentile. She then showed him the page containing the result and he instantly understood. Bearing in mind my own character's lack of vocabulary and low mental stats, this was pretty much the conversation that then transpired between the two characters:

Barbarian: I am Durak?

Cleric: Floob blob di gibbet?

Barbarian: I am Durak.

Cleric: Bleeb blah bloop.

Barbarian: I am Durak!!

Cleric: Blip gee ploop!

Barbarian: Durak smash!!!

The whole table was rolling in laughter. While this was going on, the Rogue and Sorcerer tried to interpret, mostly incorrectly, and thought that the Cleric could no longer understand them since they could no longer understand him.

Sorcerer: Hold up a finger if you can understand me.

Cleric: *Holds up his middle finger*

The DM decided to eventually (and rather mercifully, I thought) allow that enough time had passed, so the Cleric could speak normally again. Then she passed us both notes telling us our memories from any experiences upstairs were erased.

Curiosity may not have killed the cat in this case, but a brain, certainly.

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