Tales

Deadly Remains

Posted on August 08, 2017

I’m part of a group that loves their quirks. One member is an Elf pirate modeled after the Dread Pirate Roberts from the Princess Bride. Another is a Dwarf Paladin, who was apparently accepted into the monastery as a joke because the Dwarf can't even read Dwarvish. But the one that takes the cake is Short Stack. Short Stack is an Elf. He's an Elf that thinks he's an Orc. Because he was raised by Orcs. Which is also why he's a Barbarian.

We were playing a homebrew campaign. We’d gotten stuck in a room with a bunch of traps, while in the room behind us there were forty bodies suspended from the ceiling. We pulled a lever, activating a trap, and heard wet thuds and rattling coming from the other room. I opened the door and found a horde of skeletons. Short Stack decides he's gonna pull a "Leroy Jenkins" and goes barrelling into the horde, swinging his battleaxe into the first skeleton he sees.

He rolled for attack, Nat 20. Rolls damage. Max. The skeletons had so little health to begin with that our DM granted him Cleave for that one attack, causing him to kill two at once.

He then looked at the DM and smiled. "Okay, now I'm gonna rage."

We all took our turns against the horde, killing two skeletons between the remaining six of us (lots of bad rolls.) while he calculated his new stats. When he finished, he laughed.

"How much damage does a skeleton do?" he asked.

"You mean what’s its attack?" the DM asked.

“No, the skeleton itself. I want to pick up a skeleton and use it to kill another skeleton."

Short Stack ended up killing six skeletons and eight zombies by himself, two at a time, while the rest of us picked off anything that slipped by him.

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