Eye Hate You

Posted on August 25, 2017

It was my absolute first time participating in D&D. I'd played a lot of Magic: The Gathering and was excited to try out some D&D with my friends. Unfortunately, the Dungeon Master and I never really got along.

I rolled a Thief, Lajdak the Scoundrel. I guess I was a little too enthusiastic, to the point of annoying the DM. We approached a towering fortress owned by a powerful Skeleton King. I figured I'd find some great loot in an ancient king's fortress, so whenever the DM would describe our location as a hallway or having doors or whatever, I'd ask if any of the doors were locked in hopes of using my Thief skills to find some treasure. At first he was cool with it, but after an entire afternoon of my constant ‘checking for loot’ I guess he got tired of it. You could actually SEE him roll his eyes and shake his head.

Eventually, without looking at any of the materials, he said I’d activated a trap, which caused me to fall into a room with a mist that took away all but one hitpoint and made me un-healable. And no, there was nothing of note in this room to explore further. He also "suggested" that the next time I check a door, I would most likely lose that one hit point.

An hour or two later we encountered the boss. The DM described it as, "A large skeleton, somehow sporting a menacing grin. With eyes aflame he holds a glowing Sword of Malice in one hand and unspeakable magic in the other, while wearing a crown emitting pure evil."

Being at 1HP and un-healable, I was useless, so I avoided much of the fight while the rest of the group got their butts handed to them. In short order, two of them fell.

The DM, still annoyed at me, told me the King drew near. “The King notices you and smiles. He jogs toward you with a fireball in his hand capable of leveling a mountain. What do you do?”

My answer? “I spit in the Skeleton King's face!”

The DM blinked. If he'd been drinking something it would have been a spit-take. “Wait, what? What do you mean?”

“I spit in his face, a thick loogie too. My dagger is useless and I'm at 1HP. I know I'm done. But I'm not letting him punk me.”

The DM paused and started looking through the book, noticeably agitated.

At this point the rest of the team noticed the DM's hesitation and realized where this was going... I'd somehow guessed the Skeleton King's true source of power. It wasn't the glowing sword or the evil crown, but the flames in his eyes.

I rolled the dice and only managed to distinguish one eye, thus weakening the Skeleton King. Between his weakened state and the rest of the team now knowing the weakness, they were able to defeat him rather quickly.

Unfortunately Lajdak was not so lucky. The DM said the King still managed to unleash his fireball at me, leaving a deep crater where I’d once stood. But I'd helped the team in the end, and turned the tide of battle that saved a kingdom from oppression.

Not to mention I satisfactorily outsmarted the DM. To which, he said, "I hate you.”

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