Tales

Let Me Entertain You

Posted by Rose Lee on July 16, 2014
No... just, no.

About a year ago I was DMing a game for a group of friends’ first foray into D&D. They were a fairly typical group consisting of a psychotic Gnome Alchemist obsessed with explosions, a Half-Elf Fighter who only wanted money, and a player who decided he was going to role-play a Human Bard, a Female Human Bard who would try to seduce EVERY NPC we encountered.

The group met up while fighting bandits after which the newly formed party headed back to Oleg's Trading Post, to rest and recover. Literally the first thing our Bard says when the groups walks in,

"I try to seduce Oleg!"

Being a rather compromising DM I say,

“Sure, roll a bluff check, but you should know that Oleg is a happily married Half-Orc, so it probably won't work.”

Of course, he rolls a 20. Resigned to Oleg's philandering fate, I ask him how he wants to go about this seduction. There’s a long pause as our player realizes he didn’t think this part through. He knew he wanted to play a female Bard, he knew he wanted to try to seduce his way through the game, but he’d never considered how exactly he’d do it and he assumed I'd just let him get away with rolling well.

After a moment more of thought the player then shouts out at the top of his lungs,

"I, uh… I HAVE BREASTS!"

Now I’m a compromising DM but not that compromising, doesn’t matter what you roll. Oleg's marriage vows were not broken that night or any other, and the party quickly found themselves chased from town.

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