My Own Greatest Enemy

Posted on January 16, 2018

My first character was an arrogant Sorcerer named Drake Fantana that flew around Eberron trying to save the world with a group of friends. He ended up an international criminal wanted for the destruction of a city. I swear it was an accident. But even though that campaign had some good learning moments, such as finding out quickly and brutally what an "anti-magic field" was, or accidentally killing a hostage because I figured I was such a bad shot with a crossbow that I was sure to miss, it was really the ending that always stood out to me.

We were in a Game of Death-esque pagoda and were fighting our way up towards a Dragon Lich. Each floor a harder challenge than the last, with no way to escape once we started. We had the option to choose which opponent to fight on each floor by touching a statue that would come to life, until our drunken Ranger decided maybe if we touched two at the same time they would fight each other instead of us. It didn't go as planned.

So there we are, fighting two high-level monsters at the same time, when either one would have had a great chance at wiping us out. I distinctly remember putting everything I had into a spell to try to take one down quickly so that we'd have a shot at the other one. I went with Disintegrate, along with whatever metamagic buffs I had (Enhanced, Maximized, etc.)

I rolled a one.

In most games, this is a miss. Our house rules required a reroll to determine if its just a miss, or if Bad Stuff goes down as well. I rolled another one.

The GM sighed, and asked me to reroll one more time, consulting his book of Bad Stuff that he wrote for these scenarios.

"I hope you roll a four," said the drunken Ranger.

I rolled a four.

And so ended the tale of my first character, Drake Fantana, who dramatically pointed to his head and Disintegrated himself in a flash of green light. The party was quickly wiped out.

The GM still sometimes points out that the only thing that could ever kill Drake Fantana was Drake Fantana.

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