Tales

Out With a Cha-Cha-Bang

Posted on January 03, 2018

As a player of D&D for the past seven years, I've dealt with several interesting groups. Although I must say, my current group has to be the strangest I've ever had the pleasure of playing with. Mainly because most of the players are insane, and the only other sane person besides myself is an older man. It's honestly a miracle that we haven't had a TPK yet.

This past week one of our players had his last game, as he’s moving to another state. He hadn't been playing with us long and in all honesty, none of us were terribly sad to see him go. This kid had managed to get his character killed three different times in three different campaigns; one by charging into a room full of wraiths, once by throwing a radiant potion (after drinking part of it) and failing his dex save, but this last one was a total winner.

For this game, we had escaped a town that had been destroyed by magical winds. Two other players and I escaped early on, wanting to get on to the next part of the game. The other three barely escaped as they decided to go play poker with the rich fool in town, only leaving after getting a free grab from his vault of treasure and being threatened with two d20s worth of damage each round. As level 1 characters, they probably wouldn't have survived.

With the rich fool in tow, we journeyed on until we were stopped by a group of bandits. Since three of our players had gotten quite a bit of gold from the rich fool, they voted to pay the bandits and continue through peacefully. The rest of us agreed and entered the camp. My Rogue dashed away along with our Kender, Healer, and a Fighter. The Ranger followed us shortly after while our Mage, Barbarian, and other Fighter (the kid) lingered behind.

The kid Fighter had already been told off by the DM for talking over other players, and despite the fact he hadn't healed yet, decided that now was a great time to attack the bandits. He was quickly knocked unconscious, which caused the Ranger to backtrack and heal him. The Fighter was warned that he was on his own but didn't listen. As soon as the kid Fighter was back on his feet, he turned around and held a knife to the bandit's leader's throat. The rest of the bandits quickly shot him down, and the rest of the party decided to leave him there, unconscious and dying.

We made it to the next town and spent some time exploring. After a while, the DM gathered our players in the town square and told us that our Fighter was back and angry with us. The kid Fighter had decided that he was going to go out with a bang, by killing part of the party. He took down our Mage and spent a while trying to knock our Barbarian out. The rest of party stayed out of it, mostly. At the end we decided to join in for one round to try to take the Fighter down.

By that time, we’d gone over time (we play at a local game store, which was closing) so the DM stepped in. This DM had threatened us several times during the night if we didn't calm down, and he went through with the threat. A purple worm suddenly burst through the ground. It crushed the Fighter, then began to dance the macarena.

Well, I guess he did go out with a bang; he had the best death I've ever heard of.

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