Tastes Like Burning

Posted by R. Wiggum on April 04, 2013
All Hail the Cooking Deity!

We had a very informal campaign going. It was a mash-up of 1st Ed and AD&D with the best kind of DM, whose general attitude was

"Sure, fine, you can do that!”

Needless to say, this campaign was really fun, since nearly anything went. Our Paladin worshipped the ‘Cooking God,’ and he had converted the Fighter (who I was play as… eccentric). Our stated drive was to eat everything we killed (non-sentient) to further the glory of the ‘God of All Delicacies.’

We created an entire variant rule system where eating monster corpses randomly granted personal magic effects either positive or negative. For instance, we fried up some Giant Ants and their acidic glands were caught in our teeth so that we could spit at our enemies for acid damage.

At one point our characters encountered and chased down a giant Ice Frog. We trapped it in a pit whereupon we leapt onto its back and licked it, because really when else will that chance arise? Eventually the DM allowed the Paladin to make the giant ice frog his companion and mount.

Cut to 5 levels later, we encounter a young Green Dragon. Our Paladin got the initiative and, while riding his Ice Frog mount, leapt up and slam-attacked the Dragon. The Ice Frog used its unique ice magic area attack power, at which point the Paladin hurled himself sword-first for his attack, to which he added the acid-spit we’d acquired from eating the Giant Ants. Every attack roll succeeded, including a critical from his sword. He rolled high damage on every single die of each attack, and it was enough to kill the Dragon before it even knew what hit it.

Years later, I still have the delightful image of an insane, hungry-eyed, holy warrior of the Cooking God leaping with a giant blue toad in a madman's kamikaze onto a confused and bewildered Dragon, spitting acid all the way.

And before you ask; yes, we totally barbequed that Dragon up proper. Though it’s important to note that we had to go on a quest for the legendary Mega-Peppers first, as only their spicy juice could make a reduction sauce powerful enough to tenderize magically tough Dragon meat.

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