The Intellectually Challenged Wizard
Posted on May 17, 2017
I was DMing my group through their second session, running them through an abandoned minotaur temple hidden deep within a mountain. The party consisted of a Human Fighter, a Halfling Ranger, a Dragonborn Sorceress, Beloth the Tiefling Wizard, and me as their DM. This tale, as did many other memorable moments from this particular dungeon crawl, revolves around Beloth.
See, Beloth was the most intelligent character in the party with an intelligence of 18 at first level (he’s a Wizard, after all). But unfortunately this character was not played by the most intelligent player at the table. In fact, my dear friend playing this Wizard isn't exactly the sharpest dagger in the weapon store. Which means that Beloth's decisions either led the party into certain doom or on hilarious escapades.
This particular adventure allowed Beloth a perfect opportunity to do what he does best. While traversing the abandoned (though now monster-infested) temple hallways, the party encountered a small band of goblins. The heroes skirmished with the goblins and their pet drake, and emerged victorious with relatively minimal difficulty. Instead of searching for loot, Beloth liked to focus his concentration to try to detect magical traces emanating from any sort of magical something-or-others that may or may not be around.
He was successful this attempt, and was drawn to a large basin of crystal clear water placed on an altar. When he gazed into the pool of water, he saw not his reflection, but a door behind him. The image in the water showed that beyond the door was a small room with a satchel of silver one of the goblins had tucked away behind a statue for safe keeping. He relayed everything he saw to the party, and the party excitedly ran off to the room Beloth had seen in his vision.
The treasure was seized, and the room explored in more depth. In the middle of the floor was a gigantic minotaur rune laid into the bricks in the form of red, glowing glass. Wary, the party kept their distance. However Beloth knew it had to be some sort of magic. He, against the party's better judgment, stepped onto the rune.
Instantly he felt a warmth grow inside of him, and he guessed (correctly I might add) that he gained additional fire protection while he stood on it. This was supposed to have given them an edge while fighting the goblin party, but the fight didn't actually spill into that room as I thought it would, so it was, effectively, useless at this point. But that didn't stop Beloth.
Excitedly he said, "This rune grants fire protection! If I carve this rune into my skin, I'll have fire protection from now on!"
I stared at him for a moment before saying, "You're a Tiefling… you already have fire protection."
"No, I'll get more with this!" He was almost shouting with glee at this point.
"I don't think it's going to work like that," I said, meaning 'It's definitely not going to work like that.'
The party was trying to dissuade him from his pursuit, but alas, he had made up his mind.
"I run out to the other room, grab a short sword off of one of the dead goblins, and carve the rune into my arm."
As my last offer to take back his idea, I asked, "Are you really going to do that?"
"Yeah! I want fire protection!"
I sighed before explaining, "Congratulations! You take..." *roll* "two damage from cutting your arm with the sword and have successfully invented the 'minotaur-style’ tattoo."
Though no fire protection was to be gained, his new tattoo made him the butt of the party's jokes for adventures to come as he would forever be known as "Beloth, the Intellectually Challenged Wizard.”