The Ooze Beast

Posted on February 10, 2017

At the time I was eleven years old, and due to some really nasty (but successful) backstabbing attempts on fellow players, my group elected that an eleven-year-old should be the tank. And so it went—I rolled a tank that wielded a huge shield and sword. His name was  “The Infamous G.”

Our first dungeon as a new group was going swell. I had yet to get into any serious trouble... yet. we proceeded to a strangely open room with a fountain in the middle. To screw with my overly serious teammates, I decided to climb the fountain, dance, and strip. They stared in anger as they called for me to stop screwing around, but one by one their faces turned to horror as they each received a note from the DM.

Finally realizing something was happening, I asked what was wrong. Without a word our Thief pointed up. My character looked up and found, to his astonishment, a massive Ooze on the ceiling. As I process this, my teammates ran to the next room, slammed the doors shut, and barred the doors.

They left me behind, those bastards.

But I had the last laugh.

They were just reaching the end of the dungeon when I slopped in—still covered in ooze, but somehow completely intact. The party was far from okay, and in a few short rounds of cleave I had wasted all of them for leaving me to die.

Turns out I’d been RPing the story via notes from my DM. Because the DM felt bad, he gave me a choice. The O god of Ooze revealed himself to me, and offered to spare me and dispatch the evil heroes within. And so, I quite literally walked through the dungeon and killed my teammates.

Immediately retired as an NPC, G the Paladin of Ooze would become an antagonist in nearly every story.

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