The Potato Paladin

Posted on February 06, 2018

We have a rather large party of mostly new players that meets in three different places and communicates over the internet. There's me, the OP Human Fighter, a Half-Elf Bard, a Human Druid, a Dwarven Cleric, a Half-Elf Rogue, a Human Wizard, an Elf Ranger, and last but not least a pair of Paladins—one a Human, the other a Tiefling. The Tiefling may or may not have not known that he had a tail until many sessions in.

Last session, our stocky Dwarf had not only kicked in the doors to the grave we were robbing, but had then surprised the demon that was waiting there. He then ended his turn by taking a drink from his endless beer sippy cup (granted by a wish spell) in the most badass fashion. Our party rushed into save his hairy tattooed behind and destroy the demon, only to have the demon ask us to spare him in return for a wish spell.

As our party debated if we should take him up on it, our Tiefling Paladin leaned over to our DM and quietly spoke these words, "I’d wish for five billion potatoes.”

Our DM chuckled and went with it. Now, our group being rather silly sometimes, we thought the DM was joking, until he made it very clear that he was not.

Five 5 billion curse-wording potatoes appeared on top of our group, crushing five of us underneath it.

The mountain of potatoes had a radius of 150 feet and was 110 feet tall. Luckily we could all reach each other through the potatoes, and as we were about to teleport, our lovely Tiefling that linked half of us to the other half revealed that he had Shadow Walked out of the potatoes, leaving me and our npc friend Darrel stranded for three days underneath said mountain of potatoes.

We have yet to play another session, so we'll see what happens to our potato Paladin.

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