Tales

Why You Never Scratch Ulric’s Paint

Posted on October 11, 2018

I had recently stopped DMing to be a player for the first time in a while, and decided I'd play a Warforged that had three souls. A Lawful Good Paladin, True Neutral Monk, and a Chaotic Evil serial killer were the souls trapped here. Apparently my personality rolls (a D4 until I hit 1-3) enjoyed setting me on chaotic evil.

We came across a locked warehouse and everyone wanted to be sneaky. However, my friend said, "Hey Ulric, open the door!"

I roll. Chaotic Evil it is.

Ulric gave a thumbs up, cackled, and the towering juggernaut walked through the door and wall.

In a panic a gnome guard came out and shouted, "What are you doing here?!"

Ulric rolled intimidation. Nat 20. "WHATEVER I DAMN WELL PLEASE!"

The gnome peed its pants.

Everyone ignored the gnome until it was his turn. Gnome decided to be ballsy and threatened my tall Warforged.

I grumbled at him in RP and simply said, "If you scratch my paint, I'm kicking you into the wall. You will be stuck."

The gnome decided to attack. He did no damage, but he did scratch's Ulric's armor.

Ulric was not happy. Plus, he was in chaotic evil mode.

Ulric's turn came up and he decided to kick the gnome. Rolled a natural twenty, and ended up kicking the gnome through the wall and into a pool of acid. It was beautiful.

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